He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
