these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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