JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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