I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
4 words: hood of his car
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
