ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
