I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
