Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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