just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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