Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is this the sara with the beer cane?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
