you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
