i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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