this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
