I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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