Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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