Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
