I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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