You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
