I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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