I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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