I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
