what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
