omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
