"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
