Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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