I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize