When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
