i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
