i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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