I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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