Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
