I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
