....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he fucked my hip out of place.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
