i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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