Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
