did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
