I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
