ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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