Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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