He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize