Dual....:-)
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
