when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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