I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
