This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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