Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
