Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
