please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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