I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize