I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
