omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
