i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
