i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we're making bets on your personal life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
