And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
