just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
