He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
