Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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