Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
