Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
