Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
