Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
