yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
