dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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