make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
