Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
