no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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