Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
