Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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