My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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