Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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