the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
