did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
