He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
