well I can't set my house on fire every night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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