office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
