i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
