I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
